Well, I hope this yeast infection treatment works. I am starting to feel sexy again (not to get too personal) since I'm off the meds this month.
sigh. Partner's birthday is due when my period is due, so I can't wait. Countdown is on!!!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Cycle Day 11
well, guess the fuck what. We go for our appt on Tuesday, to check on the polyp, and the doctor CAN'T find it. There's nothing there. I go through all these painful tests, and NO POLYP!!!!
I suppose that could be good news, but then he drops a bomb. I HAVE A FREAKING YEAST INFECTION!!!! Now, mind you, I have felt nothing, but bamn, he says he sees the beginning CURDS.
I haven't had a yeast infection in a decade. I was humiliated. I still consider yeast infections to be a sign of uncleanliness. Now I know they can be brought on by hormonal changes, but still. So for the past 3 nights I've been doing a monostat 3
gross. I was fine and felt nothing until this monostat business. Now all of a sudden after doing the monostat, I've got a burning bush!!! ARGH!!!
Thank god I'm off work tomorrow.
I suppose that could be good news, but then he drops a bomb. I HAVE A FREAKING YEAST INFECTION!!!! Now, mind you, I have felt nothing, but bamn, he says he sees the beginning CURDS.
I haven't had a yeast infection in a decade. I was humiliated. I still consider yeast infections to be a sign of uncleanliness. Now I know they can be brought on by hormonal changes, but still. So for the past 3 nights I've been doing a monostat 3
gross. I was fine and felt nothing until this monostat business. Now all of a sudden after doing the monostat, I've got a burning bush!!! ARGH!!!
Thank god I'm off work tomorrow.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Cycle Day 8
Well, my mucus is back while I'm off the meds this cycle. It's good to see I won't loose it forever.
I am scared about my appt to see about this poylp.
That's about it for today.
I am scared about my appt to see about this poylp.
That's about it for today.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Cycle Day 7
I lost a dramatic amount of weight when I went gluten free- around 30 lbs. Then when we moved about a month ago, we got a new fabulous stove, I started baking. A ton.
I make cookies about every other day. I don't eat that many, I don't think, and they are gluten/wheat free. But I think I've gained back 5 lbs this month and this isn't a good thing.
My mother has gotten on the fertility bandwagon. Before this last cycle she was always saying things like, 'it takes regular people many months to get pregnant'. But then she talked to other people, and has seen it on TV, so it's become a real issue, my infertility.
She called last night to tell me about a fertility diet, which was sweet, (I already am eating for fertility- mostly), but she got me freaked out about my cookie eating.
Okay, so we NEVER go out to eat (I can't because of celiac), I NEVER eat fast food, I NEVER drink soda (except every 3-4 months I'll have a natural soda from Whole Foods) I NEVER have direct caffeine, I NEVER drink Coffee, I NEVER consume any alcohol, I NEVER smoke, I NEVER eat processed foods.
I think I'm okay, and my RE said there isn't much more I could do, except keep up with the exercise. They all said I don't have that kind of direct control.
So why do I feel panicked like there is something I'm missing, that if I do, I will get preggo?
I make cookies about every other day. I don't eat that many, I don't think, and they are gluten/wheat free. But I think I've gained back 5 lbs this month and this isn't a good thing.
My mother has gotten on the fertility bandwagon. Before this last cycle she was always saying things like, 'it takes regular people many months to get pregnant'. But then she talked to other people, and has seen it on TV, so it's become a real issue, my infertility.
She called last night to tell me about a fertility diet, which was sweet, (I already am eating for fertility- mostly), but she got me freaked out about my cookie eating.
Okay, so we NEVER go out to eat (I can't because of celiac), I NEVER eat fast food, I NEVER drink soda (except every 3-4 months I'll have a natural soda from Whole Foods) I NEVER have direct caffeine, I NEVER drink Coffee, I NEVER consume any alcohol, I NEVER smoke, I NEVER eat processed foods.
I think I'm okay, and my RE said there isn't much more I could do, except keep up with the exercise. They all said I don't have that kind of direct control.
So why do I feel panicked like there is something I'm missing, that if I do, I will get preggo?
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Cycle Day 6
I have no pains from said cysts and polyp. It's ironic, because in the prior two cycles I'd had pains, cramping for the whole month. But then the one cycle where I felt nothing, THAT's when they discover this BS.
Trying to stay busy, it's weird that since I'm not on the meds this cycle I'm feeling sexy again. I didn't feel sexy at all on the meds, like I had no sensations downtown.
Trying to stay busy, it's weird that since I'm not on the meds this cycle I'm feeling sexy again. I didn't feel sexy at all on the meds, like I had no sensations downtown.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Cycle day 5 Also known as Shitty Cycle
My appointment went horrible yesterday, depending upon how you look at it.
The horrible part is we can't try this cycle because I have 3 fucking cysts and a polyp. No definitive cause of endometrial polyps is known, but they appear to be affected by hormone levels and grow in response to circulating estrogen. At least that's what I have read.
It's good that we caught this and it leads me to wonder why they hadn't seen the polyp before. The doctor said that after we have it removed, we will have a much greater chance of getting pregnant, so that is the good news.
It just SUPER sucks we have to wait another month to try again. Just tack that to the years of waiting.
My supervisor continues to bully me. Sigh. What a rough week.
The horrible part is we can't try this cycle because I have 3 fucking cysts and a polyp. No definitive cause of endometrial polyps is known, but they appear to be affected by hormone levels and grow in response to circulating estrogen. At least that's what I have read.
It's good that we caught this and it leads me to wonder why they hadn't seen the polyp before. The doctor said that after we have it removed, we will have a much greater chance of getting pregnant, so that is the good news.
It just SUPER sucks we have to wait another month to try again. Just tack that to the years of waiting.
My supervisor continues to bully me. Sigh. What a rough week.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Cycle Day 3
I love my boss. She works with me on time off for this process, and I want to give her a shout out even though this blog is anonymous. My supervisor on the other hand... She must have nothing better to do than harass employees who do a good job. It's pathetic. Today's tangent is the same as yesterday, giving folks a hard time about computer games. Okay, last month I had the third highest sales in the office of 30, so leave me the fuck alone. I do a good job, get along with others, like the company, etc. I am not in the mood for any bull.
I am not pregnant, give me some space, I want to cry, my period is here and it looks like someone was murdered between my legs, it's so bad, but that's lame. No matter how gay friendly someone is, if you are gay and TTC folks don't treat you the same. My mom is trying to be supportive, but each time I turn up not pregnant, she says something like, you know 'regular' people have sex day and night to get pregnant, you are only taking one shot a month. Ugh. I have straight coworkers TTC, each month they turn up not preggo it's a damn seance to conjure positive energy. Now, don't get me wrong, I know this sounds bitter. But I'm not bitter, I'm just sad. There are good people out there who are kind and considerate. It's just that my supervisor isn't one of those people.
Okay, I feel better now that I got that off my chest. I can't wait for the appointment tomorrow. My partner tries to go to every appointment with me, but I think j's got to go to work. Oh, well, we need the money for this freaking endeavor. I can handle it on my own. I think.
My mom's bday is friday and that was when we were supposed to test. I didn't get to test last cycle, so I feel let down. Like I spent all this money, and didn't even get to take a freaking pregnancy test. what the fuck?
IF we get the go-ahead for this next cycle, we'd be finding out around my partner's bday and that would be a lovely gift- the p word.
I am not pregnant, give me some space, I want to cry, my period is here and it looks like someone was murdered between my legs, it's so bad, but that's lame. No matter how gay friendly someone is, if you are gay and TTC folks don't treat you the same. My mom is trying to be supportive, but each time I turn up not pregnant, she says something like, you know 'regular' people have sex day and night to get pregnant, you are only taking one shot a month. Ugh. I have straight coworkers TTC, each month they turn up not preggo it's a damn seance to conjure positive energy. Now, don't get me wrong, I know this sounds bitter. But I'm not bitter, I'm just sad. There are good people out there who are kind and considerate. It's just that my supervisor isn't one of those people.
Okay, I feel better now that I got that off my chest. I can't wait for the appointment tomorrow. My partner tries to go to every appointment with me, but I think j's got to go to work. Oh, well, we need the money for this freaking endeavor. I can handle it on my own. I think.
My mom's bday is friday and that was when we were supposed to test. I didn't get to test last cycle, so I feel let down. Like I spent all this money, and didn't even get to take a freaking pregnancy test. what the fuck?
IF we get the go-ahead for this next cycle, we'd be finding out around my partner's bday and that would be a lovely gift- the p word.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Pregnant Lesbians at Work (the 2 week blockage)
There is a lesbian at my job, who purportedly got pregnant with her first child on the first try, and with second try she had first timer's luck as well.
I am jealous. Okay, less harsh, envious. She got pregnant with the second child when we were on our second IUI. Now as she is gigantically pregnant, I am left seeing how big I would be if it had taken.
When my partner and I began trying a friend of hers had just decided to start trying. We were due for our periods on the same day. She turned up pregnant and I was stunned, because I was under an ignorant impression that I should be pregnant too.
I bet alot of people on medicated IUIs have similar envy stories. But how do you handle them? Probably better than me. I can't even look at magazines in grocery aisles anymore, because most of the time you see completely irresponsible crackhead celebs popping out puppies.
I guess nerdy healthy gals don't get those breaks. Gee, whiz I sound bitter, but I'm actually not. In fact, I am feeling better now that I have this appointment to look forward to and try to focus on a new cycle.
In fact, I am already looking for new activities to help pass the wait. I think I will read such and such, and work on this and that, continuing to pass my life in two week blocks
I am jealous. Okay, less harsh, envious. She got pregnant with the second child when we were on our second IUI. Now as she is gigantically pregnant, I am left seeing how big I would be if it had taken.
When my partner and I began trying a friend of hers had just decided to start trying. We were due for our periods on the same day. She turned up pregnant and I was stunned, because I was under an ignorant impression that I should be pregnant too.
I bet alot of people on medicated IUIs have similar envy stories. But how do you handle them? Probably better than me. I can't even look at magazines in grocery aisles anymore, because most of the time you see completely irresponsible crackhead celebs popping out puppies.
I guess nerdy healthy gals don't get those breaks. Gee, whiz I sound bitter, but I'm actually not. In fact, I am feeling better now that I have this appointment to look forward to and try to focus on a new cycle.
In fact, I am already looking for new activities to help pass the wait. I think I will read such and such, and work on this and that, continuing to pass my life in two week blocks
Cycle Day 2
My eyes hurt from crying. I am tired of people (AKA my mother) telling me it takes time. I'm getting ready (hopefully if we get the all clear- I have an appt on Thurs) for my 6th IUI, and running an expensive tab, and my mom tells me it takes time. Fuck time! We're going broke :-(
My mom finally asked how much this is costing, and she seems shocked by the price $ tag. you'd pay more for a car!
My mom had 4 kids and never tried longer than 3-4 months for any of us. Whine Whine we've been trying since last August! Whine Whine!
I am in a puddle of feeling sorry for myself, but I am already getting excited about trying again. That is, if we get the all clear. It's so pathetic, I can just call and speak to a secretary at the RE office and begin to feel better.
baby.
come.
soon.
My mom finally asked how much this is costing, and she seems shocked by the price $ tag. you'd pay more for a car!
My mom had 4 kids and never tried longer than 3-4 months for any of us. Whine Whine we've been trying since last August! Whine Whine!
I am in a puddle of feeling sorry for myself, but I am already getting excited about trying again. That is, if we get the all clear. It's so pathetic, I can just call and speak to a secretary at the RE office and begin to feel better.
baby.
come.
soon.
Monday, March 17, 2008
DPO 11 Update
Disaster. I can't stop crying. I went to the bathroom this morning at work, only to wipe and see bright red. Now, I've had people tell me not to freak, you can get a 'mini' period and still be pregnant. Okay, so I have ran with this.
Well, here I am two hours later, and while it's not up to it's normal flow yet, it is increasing, and I am starting to get bad cramps.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?????????
11 days past ovulation?
The only things I can figure are that the RE mistook my ovulation time.
My progesterone is low.
I am a loser.
I am not a normal person.
Why god?
Why?
So far we have spent about 8,000.00 on this. That's a ton of money.
I don't have endo, I've never drank or smoked, I don't drink soda, I eat only organic food, I get good exercise. I don't eat gluten.
Why?
If this is my period (which it's starting to) why god why?
Why?
Why?
I am crying at work and I don't care.
We have done 5 IUIs. We will keep on trying. But this hurts, bad.
Well, here I am two hours later, and while it's not up to it's normal flow yet, it is increasing, and I am starting to get bad cramps.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?????????
11 days past ovulation?
The only things I can figure are that the RE mistook my ovulation time.
My progesterone is low.
I am a loser.
I am not a normal person.
Why god?
Why?
So far we have spent about 8,000.00 on this. That's a ton of money.
I don't have endo, I've never drank or smoked, I don't drink soda, I eat only organic food, I get good exercise. I don't eat gluten.
Why?
If this is my period (which it's starting to) why god why?
Why?
Why?
I am crying at work and I don't care.
We have done 5 IUIs. We will keep on trying. But this hurts, bad.
DPO 11
Today, no spotting, yet. All clear. freaking out. head hurts, very strong smell to the urine. peeing alot. I can't even do a symptom roll call because I'm so freaked out. No cramping, vague nausea. Is it even possible to start your period earlier than 14 days past ovulation? I was under the impression you couldn't. Maybe I am ignorant about his too.
DPO 10
Nothing. No spotting. Since the clomid dried up my cervical mucus, that's gone, except my underwear is wet all the time like I've been sweating but I haven't. Or like I've been having sex, which I haven't. I have a hard time having sex on the meds, it's like they've affected the sensations. Whatever, back to the wet drawers!
I'm an anxious nut.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that friday night, I sliced the back of my hand off with a mandolin cutting potatoes, and I freaked out because I thought it could affect this.
yup, I'm crazy.
Symptom Roll Call:
drum roll-
no spotting
MOODY
crying (I've forgotten to mention that I do this every day)
nervous stomach
nausea
frequent urination
I'm an anxious nut.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that friday night, I sliced the back of my hand off with a mandolin cutting potatoes, and I freaked out because I thought it could affect this.
yup, I'm crazy.
Symptom Roll Call:
drum roll-
no spotting
MOODY
crying (I've forgotten to mention that I do this every day)
nervous stomach
nausea
frequent urination
DPO 9
I am freaking out. 9 days past ovulation around mid afternoon on Saturday I went to the bathroom, and on a BRAND NEW pair of underwear there was a watery light brown stain (about the size of a half-dime). Now I am freaking out because I am not supposed to test until this Friday, DPO 15. ARGH!!!! Is it the magical implantation bleeding? Or is it a side effect of the clomid and trigger shot? I wouldn't call it spotting because it was one spot.
help!!!
Symptom roll call:
*Vague nausea
*Bloated
*farting like a crazy
*THE SPOT
*Can smell things yards away
help!!!
Symptom roll call:
*Vague nausea
*Bloated
*farting like a crazy
*THE SPOT
*Can smell things yards away
Friday, March 14, 2008
Annoying Customers
I work as a reservationist. I don't think that's giving away too much, but I must post a complaint. I am soooo sick of guests calling to book getaways whining that they have small children and MUST getaway from them, or they will die. It's ridiculous. These turd burglers have no idea how lucky they are.
DPO 8
Well, I thought of something last night. This was our most perfectly timed IUI. We did our IUI at 9am and then that afternoon around 12:30-1ish I felt VERY flushed. Also, while I always get very sore ovaries around ovulation, the meds make it much worse. But typically they haven't in the past started hurting until 1-2 days AFTER the IUI. This time they started hurting around 4am the day of our IUI.
I am having crazy fucked up dreams every night, about cbj mostly. Several times I have dreamed about being pregnant. With twins.
Oh, and I made a big decision. I've decided not to play the 'Maybe I'm Pregnant, Maybe I'm Not' game with cbj anymore. She's sick of it, and being so strong, she doesn't want to talk about it as much as me anymore. Of course, it's all I can think about. But to keep our marriage sane, I'm gonna keep quiet. I'm not going to say a word and drive her crazy. This way (because I am certain I am pregnant) she will be surprised when we test next Friday!
Symptom Roll Call:
extremely tired/sluggish
very hungry
swinging from moods of elation, to depression... in 5 minutes
GASSY
BLOATED
have to pee often
I am having crazy fucked up dreams every night, about cbj mostly. Several times I have dreamed about being pregnant. With twins.
Oh, and I made a big decision. I've decided not to play the 'Maybe I'm Pregnant, Maybe I'm Not' game with cbj anymore. She's sick of it, and being so strong, she doesn't want to talk about it as much as me anymore. Of course, it's all I can think about. But to keep our marriage sane, I'm gonna keep quiet. I'm not going to say a word and drive her crazy. This way (because I am certain I am pregnant) she will be surprised when we test next Friday!
Symptom Roll Call:
extremely tired/sluggish
very hungry
swinging from moods of elation, to depression... in 5 minutes
GASSY
BLOATED
have to pee often
Thursday, March 13, 2008
DPO 7
It is seven days past my 5th IUI. It was our third medicated IUI, following 2 lousy unmedicated IUIs at our gynecologist. I call them lousy because we were told since I do ovulate we couldn't try with meds, which was not true, since when we went to the reproductive endo guy specialist he put me on meds right away. More on that later.
So I'm taking clomid, and having trigger shots, at least that's what we've done with our past three IUIs. I am starting to loose my mind, and since my partner of 6+ years is being brave I will pretend to be brave too, but use this forum as an outlet, since I have no friends who are TTC. My partner is a very strong person and a much more patient person. Well, I did have TTC friends but they've all turned up pregnant (we started trying at the same time).
I think I am going crazy with symptoms, too. Granted, I've felt syptoms with each attempt, and most can be blamed on the meds. But still.
Symptom roll call:
*Weird fluttery uterus
*No cramps this time (I've had them with each of the other medicated IUIs)
*crying constantly
*constipated/ stomach trouble even though NOTHING in my diet has changed
*Moodiness
we shall see.
Welcome to my new baby blog.
So I'm taking clomid, and having trigger shots, at least that's what we've done with our past three IUIs. I am starting to loose my mind, and since my partner of 6+ years is being brave I will pretend to be brave too, but use this forum as an outlet, since I have no friends who are TTC. My partner is a very strong person and a much more patient person. Well, I did have TTC friends but they've all turned up pregnant (we started trying at the same time).
I think I am going crazy with symptoms, too. Granted, I've felt syptoms with each attempt, and most can be blamed on the meds. But still.
Symptom roll call:
*Weird fluttery uterus
*No cramps this time (I've had them with each of the other medicated IUIs)
*crying constantly
*constipated/ stomach trouble even though NOTHING in my diet has changed
*Moodiness
we shall see.
Welcome to my new baby blog.
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